My memoir is an attempt to explain how it could have happened that my two sons died by opioid overdoses. Separately, and alone. What led to this horrific tragedy? I tried to instill a sense of adventure in my own children, and unfortunately succeeded too well. As a girl, second-oldest in a family of nine brothers and one much younger sister, I was on a mission to prove females were not the weaker sex—that girls were tougher, nearly killing myself attempting to gentle an untamable rodeo bronc, this after years successfully training horses, swimming snow melt, and hiking remote trails.